Dear Kiarue:

I don't really know how to tell you this, but I dislike you. I think I realized it when i saw the shrunken head in your closet and I saw you sit on the crazy monk. I'm sure you're man enough to understand that santa claus doesn't exist. I'm returning your love letters to you, but I'll keep the photo as a memory. You should also know that I get sick sick when i think of oprah winfrey imitations.

Greetings to your freaky family,
Abby